It's Called Acting, My Dear!

My better half and I were adopting out cats at Petco for our rescue group when I got the strangest request. Our president had gotten word that a chihuahua mix dog was dumped at the local kill shelter by a cretin. Since the dog had a bad knee and was 7 years old the chances of his being euthanized was excellent. The head of the humane shelter is a twit who refuses to work with any of the local rescue groups since she feels they are competing with the shelter. She is a very mean-spirited, nasty person who would rather kill animals than see them adopted. I was asked to go in, wearing my rescue group shirt, and somehow adopt this dog so the group could get it proper medical attention and then later find a good home for him.

The nasty woman grilled me about my affiliation with the group. "Oh, my wife volunteers for the group but I'm here because my good friend (never met him before, sorry!) had dumped this precious dog that I had bonded deeply with and I wanted to adopt my longtime buddy and take him home. The dog, Kiwi, played his part by licking my face when I held him up. "Oh, I missed you so much, you little scoundrel!" (never met Kiwi before, either!) "You are going to be SO happy in your new home! How horrible that Robert had dumped you. (that's about the only truthful thing I had said so far) " About 10 more minutes of complete bulls**t along this line and the head lady was convinced I had known Kiwi and his former owner for years. I signed the papers and strode out with Kiwi. The little dog now is with the head of our group and will see the vet Monday. If all goes well in a few weeks he will be able to go to a great family. As for me, I will just take a little bow, knowing that this was a better performance than any of my roles in little theater productions over the years, and for a much better cause. As the character in Saturday Night Live said, "It's ACTING!!" The funniest and most ironic thing about this whole idiotic episode is that when they brought out Kiwi into the main office he promptly pooped all over their nice clean floor. Now THAT was true acting!!