Up. Down, and All Around

It's been a strange mixture of emotions during my last 2 weeks as a teacher. On the positive side I had several students come up and thank me for being a great teacher. One girl said that my class was the best class she had ever taken. That is nice to hear and I know a lot of this group will go into some science field and do well.

I began cleaning out drawers today. Though I expected it to be a sad time for some reason I had the feeling I was cutting chains and setting myself free as I tossed items in the trash or gave them away to students. I even gave away my lab coat and name tag. I won't need these things any more. I am keeping enough resource materials to help if I decide to do tutoring or something like that in the future. I also renewed my certificate for another 5 years. Like I tell the kids you always need to keep your options open!

The mood in the science department is the worst I have seen it since Bartram opened. We just got the results of the science FCAT test and it looks like our school score dropped significantly though we all gave FCAT review questions and drill work. It is very sad that our efforts in supporting this test (that doesn't measure academic accomplishment) were wasted. Our school is ranked #4 in the county now in high school science. Teachers are upset because they know that next year there will be increased pressure for them to improve scores when they will have so much going against them, the reduced time in class, mixed student levels in class, reduced funding for supplies, increased class numbers, and an increased number of preps being some of the more serious ones. They are completely demoralized at this point, knowing they will be asked to do the impossible next year in raising science scores under such circumstances. Oh yes, there is the raised temperatures in classes that are currently making the classroom a miserable place to be, all in an effort to save money. The administration has been unusually quiet about helping science teachers to succeed, having basically ignored the unique needs of science teachers when planning for next year. We must have a reasonable amount of time for labs, a cooler room temperature so the kids don't pass out from the heat while conducting experiments, and a reasonable class size so the kids aren't tripping over each other during labs. Surelt the administrators know this but I am certain they have pressure upon them from the superintendent to save money in this financially strapped era. It is curious that the same superintendent is spending a lot of money for a county wide "end-of-the-year" cookout at the St. Augustine Amphitheater basically to promote the county staff with a passing nod at teacher efforts. How can he do this when teachers haven't had a pay increase in several years. I just don't know what is happening to our school. Bartram High has always had one of the best high school science programs but this has definitely slipped recently with the staff reductions and funding restrictions. I believe that the teachers have finally hit a mental and emotional wall. They are asked each year to do more with less and it has reached the point that they can no longer accomplish good teaching under the conditions they face. Next year is not a time that our science teachers are looking forward to. I hate to say it but I am getting out at the very end of the "good school climate, excellent teaching" era. We used to be proud of our efforts and put everything into our teaching. Next year will push the stress levels and the performance demands from the administration to the point that most teachers will probably dread going to school. There will be a continued decline in student accomplishment as a result. Meet the era of "image is everything" and its aftermath! Sad.

So I continue to isolate myself as much as possible from this chaos and wrap up my final year. In a week we will have graduation and the final exams will be completed for all students soon afterwards. I will take packed boxes of stuff to the car and take them home. I will have to leave next year's fiasco to the teachers remaining behind.

What did I get out of the past 30.5 years? A couple of ulcers, migraines, sleepless nights, a meager pension, and the knowledge there are thousands of students out there in science today whom I had a direct and major impact upon. I carry away a good feeling of accomplishment but wonder what the health issues will do to shorten my life. At least I did not collapse and die on the job like a couple of coworkers did. My immediate goal is to finish the year with as much energy and enthusiastic teaching as I can muster. After that my first retirement goal will be to build my health back up through increased rest, exercise, and throwing myself into photography, amateur radio, gardening, astronomy, chess, and animal rescue/adoption, all of them passions of mine I have had to set aside because of the demands of teaching. I may also sit down and write a book about teaching as soon as my sanity and energy return in a month or so. I have so much to look forward to! I only hope that money will not become a major issue, forcing me to return to the workforce. It is now time for me to be creative in other ways and I relish the thought of unleashing my creativity upon these projects and many others. I will miss teaching but my life will be full in other ways. Considering the strife and the other major issues that constantly threaten to decrease my teaching effectiveness, I may find that ultimately teaching may miss me more than I will miss teaching. Oh yes, I plan on skipping the end of the year parties once again. As a vegetarian going to a barbecue dinner has no great appeal to me. I will have to say my goodbyes at school instead and then get out of Dodge one more time. The house of cards I have been teaching in for 10 years is shaking badly and I have no desire to see it fall.

A Sense Of Freedom!

Hi everyone! I just finished up a week of teaching and another trip today to the chiropractor. Here are the basic goodies of the week:

1) We dissected pigs in Biology Honors. One student got woozy near the end and had to go to the nurse. I would just once like to do a dissection where no one passes out!

2) The seniors took their final exam in Anatomy Honors. I'm left now with just the juniors so the two Anatomy classes are less than half the size they originally were.

3) As far as I know I am still stuck with the job next year of teaching Chemistry which I am so incompetent to teach. I say as far as I know since the principal never bothered to respond to my email to him explaining that my last Chemistry course was around 33 years ago and I am an established biologist with years of training and teaching experience in the field. Nope, no email, no call, no dropping by the classroom from the principal. I guess I am not important enough for him to waste his time speaking to me.

4) The A/C in the room has been out all week. Parts are ordered and it is supposed to be fixed next week. Until then we are working in a sauna and trying to cool things off a little with fans. It is hot!!!

Now for my thoughts that led to this post title. When I got stuck with the chemistry job I decided to quit teaching as soon as my 30 years are up. That gives me one year more. I could actually quit in the middle of the year next year when my 30 years are up and I just might do that. They can deal with trying to find a mid-year replacement for me and I won't shed a single tear. Suddenly after making this decision to retire I have the feeling that a tremendous burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I will be free of all of the crap that has gradually infiltrated education over the past few years. No more silly, pointless faculty meetings. No more pressure to enhance the school's image, sometimes at the expense of quality teaching. No more pressure to teach towards state tests that don't mean a damn thing to the learning of my students. No more cowering under administrative decrees that are sometimes contradictory and arbitrary, and that rarely take into consideration my feelings or thoughts. No more worrying about the possibility of being called in on the carpet because of this blog. No more being given no school recognition for the years I have given of my life to this profession.

I feel so incredibly free now. I will truly miss the teaching of my fine students. That is really all that I will miss. I realize now that my decision means the school "powers that be" have no power to make me upset any more. I know that I can be my own person this last school year, or 1/2 year, and be proud of having taught several thousand students the best that I could do. I see so many of my former students these days. An assistant to my chiropractor is one of my former Biology students. She is using some of the skills I taught her in her profession. There are many doctors, nurses, and technicians at our local hospital that I helped to train in Biology and Anatomy. Some of them have told me that I helped to inspire them to go into medicine. A number of my students have gone into biological research at laboratories and research stations. It is rare that I don't daily run into at least one student I helped to guide into a Biology related career.

Yes, I wish I would have been treated differently as a teacher after putting in 29 years training future scientists and medical staff. I have no control over that. What gives me great peace and joy is knowing I made a huge difference in so many lives. If I had been dealt with compassionately and respectfully by the administration and allowed to continue doing what I do so well in the field of Biology/Anatomy I would possibly have stayed in the profession another few years. I regret that I am not going to be allowed to continue training future leaders in the biological sciences. I could have inspired perhaps several hundred more students to pursue a biological career before passing on the torch to others. Though that makes me very sad, I suppose all good things must eventually come to an end. I must be satisfied with what I have been able to do these past 29 years in the face of constant educational obstacles and adversity. That will have to be enough. Now I am free to speak my mind honestly about education today. I am free to relax and not be concerned about what administrators will think. My impending retirement gives me the freedom to look back and be very proud of my accomplishments, even if they were not appreciated by anyone except my students and their parents. The important ones are all of those students I guided and inspired. They are my legacy. May all of my former students prosper and enrich the world with their contributions. This situation has broken off my shackles to an educational system that has lost its value of creative, intelligent teachers and the training of wonderful students to strive for success. Now everything is a numbers game. We are supposed to care about the FCAT test percentages, the number of students taking AP exams, the number of awards our athletes can win, the number of items I have to cut due to budget reductions, and how many image conscious newspaper articles we can get published. None of that concerns me now. I am free. What a catharsis this is!!!

"Anyone who doesn't take truth seriously in small matters cannot be trusted in large ones either." - Albert Einstein

Education Strikes Again

As I catch my breath let me give you all a little background. My last set of Chemistry courses was in 1974-1975. Chemistry was always my weakest subject. When I got my teaching certificate the powers-that-be stuck Chemistry as an an endorsement on my paper. I have never taught Chemistry. I have no desire to teach Chemistry. I have no aptitude for teaching Chemistry. I haven't taken a Chemistry course in more than 30 years. I have spent the past 15 years asking Tallahassee to take Chemistry off of my certification list. It would be terribly unfair and cruel for me to inflict the teaching of Chemistry upon students at my school. Their comprehension of Chemistry concepts would suffer, in spite of my efforts to teach them.

Some people just don't understand that the science disciplines are almost totally separate endeavors. They expect a teacher to be able to teach any branch of science equally well. I usually ask them the following question: "If all areas of science are equal, why don't you let your podiatrist replace that leaky heart valve of yours?".

With the downsizing of our school I got the word today from the department chairperson that I would be teaching.....drumroll please..... Chemistry! Apparently I will be one of two people left who are certified for Chemistry. The fact that I am totally incompetent for the job is immaterial. I tried to see the principal to discuss this but could not get in after waiting 40 minutes. I finally had to go back and teach so I emailed him with my reservations. I sent a copy of it to the school board chairperson and superintendent. The email pointed out that I would teach whatever they wanted me to teach but with 29 years of Biological background it seems a waste for me to act as a babysitter in classes where I can provide only a mediocre education.

This has made me decide that I am quitting after next year. Technically I will have 30 years after working for 1/2 year so I could quit halfway through the year. I would hate to do that but teaching Chemistry I would be able to provide as much guidance and instruction as if they asked me to teach calculus. I am not going to inflict my stumbling efforts to teach a subject I know little about to students who deserve better just to fill a slot. It will be a sad way to end 30 years of successful Biology and Anatomy instruction but sometimes I have no control over fate. Now I'm going to go take a pill for my migraine and try to relax.

Blog Censorship

"All will pay who disagree with me." - Steppenwolf
"In a free and republican government, you cannot restrain the voice of the multitude." - George Washington

I have been blogging about teaching here in St. John's County, Florida, for almost 2 years now. Looking back at all of my earlier posts I think I have given a pretty accurate picture of the life of a science teacher at a typical high school. There have been great times and frustrating times. All in all, I have had a great 29 years of teaching and have enriched thousands of children's lives.
In recent weeks I have had increasing pressure placed upon me to cease posting anything on this blog that could possibly show any negative aspects of our local schools or the administrators' activities in our county.

Honesty and the freedom to express that honesty is at the root of my life. Science is the pursuit of truth and I have always lived by that creed. My honesty has at times caused me problems but I could not live with myself if I were less than candid with others. With that said, this blog has come under the close perusal of the county school administration. I know this because inquiries have been made to one of my school administrators about comments I have made on this blog that they felt were negative about the school, teaching, the system, etc... I had a cordial conversation with him about this, and agreed to be more sensitive about how I was portraying the school and the county administration to the outside world.

In an earlier post I attempted to explain that the school I work at is an excellent one and the staff is a great one. I love teaching. With a job like mine there will always be a certain amount of insanity, silliness, and odd moments.

Today I received a letter from the lawyers representing the St. John's County school administration. It stated that I was in violation of our county internet use laws by posting "proprietary photographs" of our ESIS program in a video parody I made for YouTube and on my blog. It stated that I must remove these photographs of ESIS immediately and inform the Human Services Director of my intent to do so before March 10, 2008, or I would possibly face disciplinary action. I have complied with this by removing the humorous video and the photo of ESIS on a blog post that told about the video. I also informed the director of Human Services of this.

Here are a few thoughts about this. First, I am the type of person who values honesty over the "image is everything" concept that seems to be currently popular in education. Yes, they have every right to ask me to remove those photos of ESIS. I wonder, though, if this would have even been an issue if I had been singing the praises of ESIS instead of showing its shortcomings. Frankly, it is a program that has not proven to be a reliable method of keeping grades. It does occasionally erase grades for no apparent reason. ESIS is also very slow. I do not feel that it is worth the money and effort that has been devoted to it in our county. That opinion is shared by others at my school and no pressure from lawyers or administrators will alter that fact.

My own feeling is that some people at the county office do not want me to post any comments about teaching or the school system that they consider negative. I believe that instead of trying to force me directly to stop posting honestly about the good and bad aspects of my teaching experience they are attempting to pressure me by actions such as the legal letter to stop putting my thoughts down on this blog. I think that I have been very fair and open about my teaching experiences but some of my thoughts and opinions are apparently not what they want others to read. I fully expect that when they read this post I will be facing further pressure by being called into a meeting to "discuss" this post. They are reluctant to directly slap censorship on this blog because it would probably be illegal so they have carefully gone over my posts and the only things they could legally find to pressure me were the ESIS photos. OK, they are gone. Now there is nothing more they can legally do to pressure me into not being truthful and candid. Of course, pressure comes in all forms and they will probably find other ways to continue this pressure for me to stop blogging about my experiences, good and bad, in education. They will not appreciate my expressing these thoughts and I fully expect further efforts to restrict my posts in this area.

America was founded upon freedom of speech. It is our most precious right. I am just stubborn enough to fully support my right to state facts about education that show all aspects of it. Any further "meetings" or other efforts to pressure me will not alter my goal to show the world the actual life of a teacher. I will abide by all county policies that relate to proper internet use but I will not change my honest approach to blogging that does occasionally show the negative aspects of the job. Like I said earlier, it is a great profession but there are things that do need to be changed. Muzzling me will not alter that. I believe that the truth is always desirable and is an instrument for change. I do have the right to express my thoughts about teaching and the county school system. Attempted censorship and pressure to curtail freedom of speech is against all of the tenants of good character development that we teach. I try to instruct my students to be open, honest with others, and to be brave about expressing their views. I can demand no less of myself. I will continue to be open and honest about my career and experiences. Others may not appreciate that because of the "image is everything" philosophy. Well, all I can say to that is that truthfulness is always the best policy and it is better to be open and honest than to either be silent or to voluntarily "sugarcoat" all aspects of education. Read my earlier posts and you will see that I hold a high view of education, teaching, my school, and the overall county policies. Educators of all people should be aware of the importance of being able to express thoughts without fear of censorship. Hopefully they will stop worrying so much about public image and spend more effort upon addressing the things that will actually make education a more productive environment for students and teachers. People who disagree with my thoughts and writings are not being forced to read these posts. Go watch television, read a book, or fly a kite for all I care if you are offended or take exception to what I have to say.

I do not earn any money from this blog. To the contrary, I pay internet fees to give access for my thoughts. I think that what I have to say about education is important. It gives people a view of what it is like to be a teacher in this modern age that most never realize. I have no agenda to attack others or to tear down the system. I do demand the right to express my joys, frustrations, and expectations concerning the teaching profession. My blog readers should not receive censored posts that leave out important aspects of my life because others do not want them to know or fear that it will not show them always in a positive light. This post is an example of my devotion to this principle and it is a policy that I will always follow. Understanding the triumphs and the failures of education is important in truly comprehending what it is to be an educator. Teaching is one of the most important and demanding jobs in the world. These posts will hopefully help you all to realize what is means to be a teacher. If I can accomplish that, this blog will be a success. Censorship is not an option for me. Expect the complete truth from this blog. I will continue to show the world what it is like to be an educator.

Meet The Administration!

Well, actually not ALL of our administrators are like this. Some of them are actually pretty nice, down to earth people. In a moment of unthinking action some teachers today arrived to their mailboxes to find a 'certificate' placed there by an administrator that stated they were observed not standing by their doors between classes!

I didn't get one of these love notes but I still feel insulted that teachers are being treated like they were 6 years old. Let me point out a few facts:

1) Teachers at my school are working their asses off with the kids. If they are not at their doors when an administrator comes wandering by it's not because they are sitting in their offices drinking coffee with their feet up on their desks. They are counseling students, giving makeup tests, dragging some urchin to the dean's office, or conducting one of a million tasks that make the school run smoothly and helps the kids to learn. I know that in this day and age in society image is everything and learning isn't a high priority with some but that is still what we all try to do around here.
2) We deserve to be treated as adults, not as preschoolers. This includes speaking to us directly instead of slipping obnoxious notes into our mailboxes.
3) Teacher morale has been rather low here at the beginning of this year due to a myriad of conflicting demands being placed upon us. This really does not help our morale. I hope things improve after they think about our morale and the part we play here.

It takes as much effort to give us an occasional pat on the back as it does a kick in the rear.

A 'Down The Toilet' Kind Of Day

The teaching day started out with a bang. One of my nicer students in Anatomy was working on the cat blood vessel dissection. Suddenly she crumpled up on the floor. By the time I got over to her she was awake again. I called the nurse and she got a ride in the wheel chair down to the clinic. She is fine now but I suppose the scene got to her. Each year I usually have one incident like that during one of the dissections. It goes with the territory but always shakes me up when it happens.

During 6th period Physical Science my favorite dean's office student was there. I had already fussed at him for coming into the room with a nice little profane outburst. Another student asked me how many questions were on the midterm exam and I told him '100'. My favorite student looked at me and said "You are such a jerk!" I wrote the little cretin up and informed him that he would not be allowed back into my classroom until he verbally apologized to me. The dean gave him 1 day of Saturday school which I doubt he will serve. I will probably be asking that he be permanently removed from my class when he comes back tomorrow and refuses to apologize. I put up with a lot of crap from students but one thing I have never tolerated in 28 years of teaching is disrespect towards me. I am willing to take this issue straight to the principal if necessary but I refuse to be treated like that by any student and I refuse to teach this little monster without a major change in his behavior.